Sometime I just don’t get it…sometimes I just stop and wonder why I’m not happier.
I genuinely enjoy my life for countless reasons I am aware of and most likely even more that I am not aware of, so why is it that I often times find myself unhappy with my current situation? I believe it’s because I day-dream of the next step, you know, the future and current “have-nots” and forget to consider what makes life truly special and how wonderful it is to be where I am at right now, in this very moment. Today I treated myself to a personal day of decompression, reflection and relaxation. It contained Cruz-cuddles, an apple fritter, one small Americano, a scenic drive, a 4 mile hike which was mostly in the rain, some Explosions In The Sky, a detour route and some Regina Spektor on the way home and now, I sit in a favorite coffee shop and settle into a creative mindset. I have been doing more to create a fulfilling life, one of happiness and desires as it pertains to my day-to-day living and it has been incredible. For starters, I’m slowly adapting a mindset of a 5 day work-week. I work a lot…like a lot, a lot. When I’m not at my normal 40+ hour/week job, I’m creating art, practicing drums, riding bikes, organizing house shows, etc. and if I’m not careful, it all slowly over-takes me and leaves me beyond exhausted and not being to give 100% to everything, because I do too much. I’m letting my weekends be weekends again, filling them with camping, hiking, friends and adventures, the things that renew me. During the “work week” I have a mindset of creativity, organization and focus. Dividing my tasks and time has helped me focus on the current and look forward to the rewards of keeping my head down and working hard. I am seeing that balancing my time and focus is extremely important, but even more than that, I’m finding that happiness is choice and I’m choosing it more than ever.
Instead of being bitter I don’t have the freedom of making my own schedule and “having to work for someone else” right now, I am choosing to be happy in dedicating myself to my job and learning a trade that will benefit me (and others) for my entire life. Instead of being annoyed that my financial situation requires roommates, I am choosing to be happy in the fact they are genuine guys that I am not only able to talk to, but can share life with. Instead of being sad that I’m not playing music with people at the moment and constantly living in the “glory days” of playing shows all the time, I am choosing to be happy with practicing constantly and pushing myself to be a better drummer, whether I ever play another show again or not. Instead of being discouraged that I am single and my romantic life is less than I desire, I am choosing to be happy that I am learning who I am and what I want in a companion and knowing that I won’t allow myself settle for less than a love filled with dedication, companionship, passion and gentleness to name a few; a woman above all and I am okay with being picky and patient for her adventurous heart. Instead of feeling sorry for myself that riding has taken a backseat to the way it used to be, I am choosing to be happy with spending time laughing with my friends, exploring the city and the healing powers pedaling gives to my body, heart and mind. Instead of feeling the guilt and judgment of not being able to have an answer when people ask where I go to church, I am choosing to be happy in my season of seeking to know G-d in creation, the quiet times, reading and deep conversations with loved ones. Instead of being overwhelmed at the pace of living in a city, I am choosing to be happy and spend as many nights sleeping under the stars as I can, absorbing the wonder and grandeur of a slower living, being in an environment that makes me feel whole. Instead of beating myself up with thoughts of inadequacy and how I could do better, I am choosing to be happy in the art I create and let it be part of my timeline and be content with putting it on display. Instead of being discontent with my body type, unavoidable genetics and countless physical insecurities, I am choosing to be happy with my uniqueness and desire to pursue a healthy lifestyle with the cards I was dealt.
There are so many other areas I am choosing to be happy, but those are the main ones in this season. For me, happiness is largely tied to balance and learning when to hold back and when to let go. As I work on time management, financial discipline, stronger personal boundaries and such, I have found it is easier to have a healthier and happier mindset in my day-to-day and the things that once were difficult becoming increasingly easier and easier to maintain.
Don’t give up, don’t back down…take time to figure out your happiness and pursue your dreams, they are yours for the taking.