In A Blur

Tonight has been one of the most depressing, trying nights in a while.
Laughter turned silent and all joy fled in a moments notice, but…
I’m learning and hopefully growing.

Instead of drinking to forget, I prayed for courage and hope to press on.
Instead of contemplating suicide, I sought wisdom and forgiveness.

I spent some time on the phone talking with my friend David about our situations and how God is always working through them for His glory. His stories are encouraging and his friendship, one of my greatest blessings. I never seem to understand why life unfolds like it does, but I have hope that there is something to be learned and somehow, I will be okay. I am foolish and I fail my friends time and time again, but there is conviction in my heart and my body stirs to right the wrongs that I have carelessly created. I will seek forgiveness for my errors and hope to be mindful of my error in the future. This night has been burdensome to my soul and has left me in shambles, but there is a hope that I have found to be true and in that, I hold fast. The sun may rise and in an hour unknown, I will give praise for the work that is being done in my life. Even through adversity and trials that trouble my restless heart, I will rest assured in the love that knows no end.

My spirit is broken and my heart overwhelmed, but in it all, I have a refuge that solidifies my existence and the work that is to be done through my breath. I hope this is not the end.
The pride I possess shall not overtake the humility I strive for. Let my words be few and let my words speak only Your name.

My heart is hurt in places I have never felt pain, but I still pray this:
My God, my Captain; guide this vessel home.


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