Quicken the covers of my bed, so they may themselves be wrapped just below my chin, as I write the script I always hoped would play out; to finally have hand cramps and paper cuts from the dreams I’ve held captive in a sleep-deprived, fractured mind. There are only three hours left before I wake and in this time I will address the rumors that have been stirring amongst the cast. From stage hands to leads, I’ve heard them whisper; I know they see fear in the dark circles that hang like fall leaves beneath my oak brown eyes. Find your words, for they are wedged somewhere between your heart and tongue. Find your way to the front of the theater, for there are pressing matters that must be addressed; circle now.
With great hesitation, I have called you all at once to lend an ear to my words and to hear my voice. There have been rumors that they who lead are soon to follow and all will then be lost. My friends, I have held the wrists of the minute hand for as long as possible, but alas the hour has come. I know we have not met for days and with that, my sincere apologies are offered to you and yours. It was never my hope, that the demons which lead me, would so viciously grab hold of your hearts; my deepest apologies. As most of you have come to hear through the passing of tales, I have been faithful to my study for the past several days. My bed has known no warmth and the hourglass churns as the tide. It has come to my attention that the script is far too grand and we simply do not have the resources to pull of such an elaborate twist. We find ourselves halfway to opening night and time is no friend of mine. With consistent labor and thoughtful intent, I have rewritten the script. It is in the best interest for all involved, if my dreams were reduced, as they are in no way obtainable. The plot will now be this: It comes to the attention of our lead role, that all he has believed so dearly in, is a lie and nothing has ever been as he thought it to be. All words merely aligned with time and place, and in turn, had no other value than the number of letters they carried. His feelings are stray from the true course of his travels.
He has been misled by no man or woman, but deceived by the imagination of his mind.
My dear fellows, wipe the fear from your eyes; my fair ladies, wipe the tears from your eyes. I’ve given much thought to the days and I find this resolve best for the last of you. I’ve studied the way this script has left you weary and as walking dead in the streets of this town. The window of my study has left my heart heavy as I’ve watched you walk on by and I do not have they heart to see such a ghastly sight. Take hope in the relief this will be to you all! Your time of sweat has not been in vain, for your importance is still as vast as the heavens. As for the rumors that circulate behind these curtains, I can now confirm their validity. Weep not, my dearest leading lady, for you are still young in age and lovely in sight. Find no fault in why I first chose you; you remain the star of my show. Even when you did not follow the lines of the script I gave, you spoke with grace and beauty that my soul found to be most pleasing. This grace will captivate the world, no matter what the lines you are given read. The failure to learn the lines I wrote for you, is no failure of yours, but mine. I wrote a script that was far too demanding for someone of your character. You are spontaneous in nature and even in my greatest spontaneity, I am planned in form. How foolish I was to think I could mold you to something other than what you are best suited to be! I have attempted to clip your wings and view you through the steel of the birdcage; your beauty is best viewed in the flight. You may still lead the stage with your grandeur, but it will be by your own volition and by no hand of mine. I will rewrite my dreams, so that the glimmer in your eye shall never swim to unseen waters. My friends, I assure you that the show will still be the talk of the town and we will find ourselves favorable in the hearts of many. The words I’ve prepared have found the end of my breath; please take the new script on your way out and may the rest of tonight be peaceful and wholesome to your restless bodies. I thank you all for your time; please give my love to your dear families.
The dim light of the study proves to be most fitting as I recline in my leather chair, pondering the events that just unfolded. Did they see the sweat on my palms as I faltered with my ungraceful words? And my leading lady, will she find rest tonight? I admit I’ve found the way we dance to be tiresome; this back and forth nature, never consistent except within its own inconsistencies, but have we danced in perfect time? Am I foolish to have reduced my dreams to fit the reality I see? What then will I pair with my hope that I so carefully protect? When my dreams are given to the dirt of this earth, where will I drift when my eyelids finally rest? Have I given up the very thing in life that makes all things revolve in perfect harmony? Has the weight of my disbelief toppled over the belief I held so strongly?
The light knocking of a young man’s hand against my study door, suddenly drew me from my vortical mindset. I found air to breathe again and asked that he enter my study and make himself comfortable in the adjacently placed chair. With no waver in his words, he expressed the thoughts he could not shake since the dispersal of the prior meeting:
“Sir, I’ve read over the script and although I carry the same amount of lines, I don’t really care for the changes. When I received the very first script, I was fascinated by the way the story seemed too big. You held nothing back and put nothing but your everything into creating what you wanted. Sir, you seem to have erased all the hope in this story; you’ve changed what you believed at the start, just because time scares you. Now I cannot speak for the rest of the folk, but sir, we’re your cast. We stayed when we read the original script because we believed that the ending would be beautiful. The hours have been long and yes, the work has been tiresome, but we knew it would be. I did not come to try to change your mind, simply speak my peace, but the ending of your dream was beautiful.”
With an awakening eye and hopeful heart, I kept dreaming.