For so long I hated not being where I thought I should be at this point in my life, yet it was only by acknowledging that this is where I am supposed to be, that I’ve been able to find joy in life once again. I’ve been involved with Axiom Church over the last 6 months or so and even though I’m not a huge fan of it and would hesitate to say I feel its where I should be, I’ve been blessed through it. It was something said on Sunday that clicked and I couldn’t deny it, even though I was trying to find any reason to not pay attention. To paraphrase: “When we stop focusing on trying to meet our own needs and seek to meet the needs of others, with Christ-like love, somehow our needs are met.” When I stepped into Axiom, I was looking for something no church could give me, because no church is the single Church; follow? It goes like this, the people who have proclaimed my value and blessing are the same people who have walked away from it. I’ve been looking for so long for someone to just believe in me and when push comes to shove, still love me… for me. I thought that looked like a (dating) relationship, because that’s how I previously defined myself. I had found someone who believed in me enough to tie their name to mine and walk hand in hand. When that came to a halt, I started my collapse; life became hell.
When I got to Axiom, I thought I had found what I was looking for and knew exactly how it was going to remedy my ill-placed stomach. The columns I was building for a new life, were no-less than the plans for a tomb. By convincing myself that I knew exactly through what means God was going to renew my spirit, I undeniably stood and stared at the sun. There was no hope in my celestial sight and all was destined for failure. It’s not that I believed that God could only help me through the channels I saw fit, but if I could see that they would help me… why wouldn’t He work through them? My sight was none to believe, but then one day, I met the Schugs. From the moment I shook Dave’s hand and saw Jeannine’s smile, I felt my definition being redefined. Over the months, they have given to me a love that has been a blessing I don’t feel worthy of but so proudly embrace! I have to admit and this is in no way disrespectful, but I didn’t really expect God to use them in my life. When I got to Axiom they were quiet, but while everyone else was talking in my ear, the Schugs became the loudest to me. They’ve opened not only their home to me on a regular basis, but their family… their family! I cannot even begin to express how the love they have passed on to me and the genuine spirit they carry on daily basis, has blessed my life. They aren’t who I prayed for, but they are everything I have been praying for. Their friendship and their testimony has lightened the burdens of life that I so willingly slung onto my back. They’ve encouraged me to continue on, when I was unsure of what in the world I was doing. When I had no belief in myself, they did and it wasn’t through cliche-Hallmark-style-pick-me-ups, it was just simple Christ-like love that they used to wake me from my slumber. To say I am thankful for them would be the biggest understatement imaginable.
All of that was to somehow convey that life is never the story told in our minds. Discard the maps we’ve made; we are no cartographers to the things that we cannot behold. Face life knowing that even when everything is seemingly crumbling in disarray, we are perfectly placed; we will be cared for and we will find hope in the circumstances we find hopeless.