This week was Thanksgiving and I found myself giving thanks for things I didn’t know I was thankful for. On Wednesday, I got the confirmation that I did, in fact, have a torn ACL in my right knee. I tore my ACL in my left knee back in the winter of ’04/05, so I had a pretty good idea about what was going on. Wednesday afternoon as I waited for my doctor to give me my results, I started reading the MRI results that the nurse had pulled up on the computer for him to read. I sifted through various medical terms that I didn’t comprehend, but then reached the bottom line; the bad news. It didn’t shock me and to be honest, I was kinda glad that there was something wrong. The last thing I wanted was to go through all that pain and whatnot for “nothing”.
While in Panama, we stayed here for a few days. Thanks to Christian Surfers!
I ended up slipping on some ice Wednesday night at my grandparents house and believe I tore more ligaments. In retrospect, Wednesday kind of sucked haha Either way, what is done is done and I am finding joy in it all and continuing on my way, trusting that all will be well in time. Side note from the current topic: I just received vinyl copies of Listener‘s Wooden Heart and Beloved‘s Failure On in the mail and they are wonderful. I am enjoying the sound of records more and more with each day. So back to being hurt, getting surgery in the near future and needing to figure out how to spend my time. I’ve been learning how to let go of notions and premonitions and just trust that things will be okay. I got tired of not feeling needed, so to counter that mentality, I’ve started to give again. Even when I feel I have nothing anybody could use, I’m not letting that stop me and I’m trying to bless my friends and those I come into contact with, to the best of my ability. I know it will take some time to settle into this new feeling and attitude, but I’m ready for a change.
Some dirt steps down to the creek at Adam’s Eden Camp in Lafayette, NY
So my plan? Well, I’m starting to finally acknowledge, that for me, plans are merely the outline of things that are meant to fall apart. Plans have never really worked out for me. I am spontaneous by nature, so trying to plan is inherently foolish I suppose. I’m better with conceiving goals and dreams, not the process of trying to reach them. I’ve found that when I set goals, I just naturally reach them. Those goals become the desires of my heart and all my choices ultimately lead me closer to where I hope to end up. I guess that you could say that goals or dreams becomes a state of mind and not some sort of meaningless regiment. About 3 months ago, I had the idea to put together a book of sorts over this winter. In my mind, nothing really made sense as to what I would write about or how it would happen, but I think I have figured it out. With my injury keeping me from riding for the whole winter, the window to get this book started was flung wide open and the chill from 81 southbound air gave me an idea. I need to crunch some numbers to see if this can happen, but I will share my dream when the time is right. Stay hopeful.