The reasons I choose to start writing a new post at 1:26am are unbeknownst to me. Logic would sway me to believe that this is a horrible idea if I wish to increase the volume of people who read this; it still remains a horrible idea. Before my expansive eyes, my third cup of tea rests motionless as I stretch back in my chair and settle within my skin. My dry, calloused hands find their way to the stubble about my face, scratching it without cause. The day last had no agenda and harvested a great joy that fed my spirit. My day was pocketed with time spent with friends and indulging within the company they kept. At one point in the night, clarity was stumbled upon amidst delightful conversation. It’s ironic how life can become so chaotic and cluttered to the point of suffocation with stress and dissatisfaction, but in a brief moment of time, it can all become so clear. While trying to keep warm as I walked back to my car tonight, I opened my eyes and saw what has been in front of them my entire life. The thought is so simple, but so powerful if I’d just let it permeate into my life more: I love supporting my friends in the areas they are talented, have passion for and desire change. I get excited to see my friends accomplish what they set out to do or just help them find the motivation to get the gears turning. It is an undeniable blessing to have friends so dear as mine and I feel privileged to help them obtain their dreams. One of the best parts and oddly enough, most difficult to get passed, is that it takes selflessness. I love my friends with great pride and thankfulness, but I often become so self-involved, that lose sight of their needs and goals.
There are few greater things in this world, than sitting down with a friend over some sort of preferred beverage and listening to them share their heartfelt hopes. To be put parallel to this: listening to a close friend share their frustrations and seeing the vulnerability in their eyes as they impart hurt, brings me to feel incredibly privileged that they would share their heart with me. With such a gift, I could respond with nothing but by giving them my very best, as they journey through life; as we journey through life. I’ve been convicted and confronted about how I’ve handled friendships and relationships lately. When you enter into friendships/relationships with preconceived ideas about the end result or silent expectations, you’ve sabotaged their beauty and soiled authenticity. The reality being, you have not allowed the friendship/relationship to develop in a natural and healthy manner; you control both sides. I am learning this first hand and in the same light, I am regretting not having noticed it earlier on. I’ve made a mess of marvelous friendships because I walked in and led them so that my needs could be met. What foolishness that is! It will take some time along with adjustments in heart and mind, but I am learning and also continuing to seek wisdom in all I do. I will be wrong and I will constantly stray, but He will amend my vision and I’ll somehow find my way.