Today was refreshing and although nothing like I planned, greatly appreciated. I found myself shutting off my alarm and creeping around the house to the tune of 8:47am. I found some clothes that were just clean enough to pass my an uncaring attitude, so I threw them on and made my way north. I decided to join the Whisman’s and attend Northside today and found it to be exactly what I needed. Of course I drifted in and out of listening to the guest speaker, but I was piecing things together as I jotted down notes from the things I heard. After the message, I was invited by Mr. and Mrs. Whisman to join them for lunch. Wonderful! I’ve been going over to the Whisman’s house for about 7 years now and they have shown me hospitality beyond end. I have lost track of the many nights I found myself sleeping on the blue couch in the basement. They have always been welcoming to my presence and have never hesitated to include me in whatever the family was doing at the time. I am incredibly grateful for them and the love they have shown me. They refer to me as extended family, but I couldn’t feel closer to them. Thank you.
Lunch was followed by watching the Bills watch the Cowboys play football. If you’re a Bills fan and were watching that game, my condolences to the time you lost. Some time around the end of the game, I fell asleep in the blue beanbag chair. What is the deal with all the Whisman’s blue furniture being the most glorious places to sleep?! I won’t argue with it, just embrace it and catch some Zzzz’s. I awoke and after a giant bowl of popcorn and Paranormal Activity 2, I found myself sipping coffee with some friends (and new friends) at Recess. We sat on the porch and I think we were all comfortable knowing that the porch was going to be very uncomfortable in the coming months, so we might as well enjoy it now. We laughed and conversed and good times were shared without reserve. Saying our goodbyes and commencing our separate ways, I ventured the short distance back to my house and packed some belongings into my backpack.
I tossed my few possessions into my brother’s truck that I’ve been borrowing and made south my finish. I have a MRI for my right knee in less than 4 hours, so now, I write. Night drives have become one of my favorite things to do over the last 5 years and tonight did not disappoint. The tunes mixed well with the miles and I did smile. My mind flew passed thoughts of love and future… pain and past, but I still accumulated miles beneath my sore feet. It’s surprising how painful driving can be sometimes and my knee and ankle were none too pleasant on this voyage. It bothered me, but it didn’t. Life is too much of a blessing right now! You see, I haven’t been me for sometime. I’ve been searching for who I want to be, thus forsaking who I am. I’ve been so anxiously looking for where I want to be, that I cannot be blessed with where I am. Now, I look down and make note of my days. I’ve promised myself to slow down, reduce clutter and let God speak to me. He always speaks, but I am so quick to interrupt Him with my own agenda: “That’s swell and all Lord, but I got this; kick it in the backfield for a bit.”
These days grow colder with each death of the day previous and these nights darkened with coldness our hearts were not meant to endure alone. So why do I feel that I am above it all and can figure out all my unanswered questions by my own strength or processing? Foolishness! I am so quick to give solutions to those seeking resolve to their dilemmas; so eager to make light their burden, but I am stubborn in my own prideful ways and resist help with confidence that I can figure it out. That is not how relationships grow! Relationships take honesty of self and soul, truthfully admitting our short comings to one another. Trust is key and although we will be broken time and time again by those who misuse our trust, we must gather the fragments and trust wholly once again.
This turned into a ramble to rival all other rambles I have posted, but maybe there was a thought of mine in there that wasn’t complete jibberish. I can rant and rave about things all day and at the end of the day, have talked for so long, that I forget where I first started. Bear with me, friends.