A young girl, around the age of 3 or 4 accompanied her older brother of about 10 and her father as they made their way past my house this evening. I was sitting quietly on my porch, bundled up by all sorts of fabrics, drifting in and out of thoughts as I tried to read a book. The little girl stopped and pointed at our house and the $9 worth of Halloween decorations that were strewn about the front of it. She giggled and by that giggle, without even seeing them, I knew her eyes were stretched as wide as possible in awe. As they walked across the street, her arm swinging carelessly as her brother clutched her hand tightly, I was reminded of the sheer joy the world around produces every second.
The family drifted out of my sight, as if carried by the very breeze that chilled my nose. I decided that reading was futile and made the choice to change my state. I limped inside, one aching step at a time and filled the kettle with a bit of water from the kitchen faucet. The burner lit and flames now dancing under the kettle, I sought out some tea from the cupboard. The whistling of the steam passing through the lips of the kettle touched my ears in a therapeutic nature and I could have listened to that until the water was no more. The spin of the dial ceased the dancing flames and warm kettle emptied its contents into an eager cup. Peppermint waves filled the air and no longer were my breaths bland. My mouth closed and nostrils inhaled with great praise. What great feat it is to be able to change our perspective, just by changing how we survive?! With my tea-cup in hand, I made my way back to the porch where I previously made my perch.
This night met me earlier than the night previous and it delivered the message that winter is near. I reclined in the furniture we took from someones garbage pile and moved restlessly, trying to find a position that my leg did not hurt. After some time, I was at least comfortable enough to write and enjoy the evening. The yellows of the leaves clashed with the orange glow of the street lights, as the blues of the sky illuminated the reds of the trees; in all this I found gold. The buzz of passing cars and the leaves that trailed in the current of their course, kept me looking around. I found beauty in the still, small voice of the crisp air, persuading me to find warmth. My eyes acknowledged and my heart agreed, that the great trees in front of my house would soon be bare again and their clothes would blanket the streets of this city, in a wind so cruel; winter is near.
In this time of my life, I am anxious for what I do not know. I consistently lose track of the day, as I fixate on the next. On nights like these, I force myself to slow down and remember how beautiful each day is if we allow it to be. The last week has been frustrating in countless ways and I am still to proud to admit my faults to the world; to you. I am fearful of how people will view me, when I finally clothe myself in the follies, I for so long, hid under my bed. Mistakes made are far more grand when no one knows who you actually are. I am starting to show who I am and somehow there are people who accept me in all my mistakes and choose to keep me as company. Why?