This new layout will most likely change as I am not really feeling it. Yesterday was Sunday and was seemingly filled to the brim with simple pleasures. It started by stretching my appendages every-which-way and then racing to jump into a nice hot shower. I cracked my neck as the beads of water emancipated the sleep from my eyes. This simple start was all I needed to produce a day I could smile about. I spent the day by myself; reading, writing, wandering, cleaning, shopping, organizing, thinking and praying. In retrospect, I needed today. My attitude has been overwhelmingly positive lately and I’m not exactly sure why, but I’m glad it is the case. I’m consolidating my life and getting rid of the clutter that keeps my mind racing and my tired frame up at night. Less is more. It seems that I am always in this cycle; up then down, up then down, up then… you get the idea. I always thought I was insane and this was a characteristic of my own instability, but maybe its just life. My friend David told me that when we stand on mountain tops, we can see the valleys that we crossed to get there. We grow in the valleys as we push on and reflect on the beauty of our journey as we camp atop the mountain. This picture was painted vividly, as his voice stretched from the West Coast through to my ears, as I sat on my porch late one night. I try to pass on this mentality. Sometimes we can’t see the blessings around us because we’re not sitting quietly on the summit. I look back into all the dark (very dark) times I have passed through and see blessings. I am still ashamed to admit how dark my days got, but I can now see I was surrounded by blessings without end. Life isn’t always bright and sometimes it honestly doesn’t seem worth all the pain, but we must continue to find strength and press on.
We all have hurts, so let us not swim in their depths, for they will without doubt sink us and bury us among the graves of the capsized greats. Swim to shore and make a fire to stay warm and watch the waves in your ocean of hurt, diminish in the tide. We must desire sand between our toes or we will surely find salt water in our lungs.
I know that days grow dark without warning and we were not meant to live in shadows. A positive attitude does wonders and will make your start sound in direction. I believe (from my own experience) that most people do not desire to be ill. This is a small revelation I had, pertaining to blessing, forgiveness and love. Being forgiven means nothing if you are not willing to accept it. Being blessed means nothing if you are not willing to accept it. Being loved means nothing if you are not willing to accept it. You cannot just want to be healed, you must let yourself be healed. Face your heart and body to the shore, as I promise you that we will make it there and you will feel whole again. We will swim for a bit, then I will carry your weight as you rest and we’ll drift in the current until we land on the earth as driftwood. You are not alone in this.