(An excerpt from my October 7th journal entry:)
“…God, if You are Just and You are King, let my lips fall to Your feet and my mouth declare Your kingdom. Make room at Your feet, for I wish to make my bed there and listen to You teach humility and love. Then I want to look into Your eyes and see them pouring out onto Your cheeks with fury. When Your brow shifts to a place of question, please spare me the questions. I don’t know why I don’t love You more; I don’t. Logic leaves me and I am drowning in a sea of silence. A tear planted to the soil brings forth a plentiful harvest from my eyes. Speak and I will do my best to listen. When I do not hear, be patient please. I wish to serve with You and I find myself walking the wine glass to the closet. Why do I not sit and Your table, but choose to drink alone? My God, why do You waste time in love for me? I am nothing to my eyes and feel I am hopeless; bound to repetition and failure. Did you call me or no? I hope You did. I will now go home and write letters of love to those I love. I wish to hold onto old ways and preserve simplicity. God love me. God save me. God need me.
Ps. On my way home again. I will not rest tonight, but sing praise and hope.“