The Upstate Fall weather has been most enjoyable these days and that is wonderful.
I love the sound of leaves crunching under my feet and the fragrance of their decay.
If I’m being honest, which I heard is valued by most people, I haven’t been okay.
I will be okay, but I’ve had some very long days over the last few months.
I’ve belittled blessings and monopolized love by the mirrors in my eyes.
I am the most selfish person I have ever met and for that, my pride is broken.
It was the questioning of my friend Dave that realigned my perspectives and gave me hope.
Actually, it was his caring about me that opened my eyes to truths I’ve been blind to.
I thank him greatly for doing so, as it made a world of difference to my everyday.
You see, I have been hiding pain and covering my tracks for some time now.
In recent months, I was able to define my pain and that hurt the most.
I analyzed steps and choices to search for why I hurt so terribly.
My conclusions left me feeling hopeless and of no value to anyone.
Those conclusions are false; dead where they mistakenly stand.
Ready to hear something incredibly manly? I’ve cried a lot these last few months.
For love given to me that is undeserved. For the pain of a friend missed, as he is home.
For blessings received I cannot understand. For brokenness and numbness.
For watching eagerness grow into hesitation. For drifting through life like a ghost.
For loneliness and hopelessness. For always feeling empty and a burden to all.
For having. For having a family. For having a loving family.
I know this is not the most glorious thing you have ever read, but it is truth.
My perspective is being changed and I am growing day by day.
There remains a smile on my face and an out of key tune sung by my lips.
With a thankful heart, I press on.