I Dated A Girl Named Sleep; She Left Me

Sparked by a random text message conversation, I began to ponder all my sleeping situations I have encountered over the years. I will just get this out there: I love sleeping in weird places! Beds are nice, but totally lame. As I recall a few special nights, I hope my weirdness is finally brought to light in an amusing manner.

The Castle
About 3 years ago my mom purchased a plastic outside fish pond. Said pond came in a very large cardboard box. My eyes lit up and I went to town and did what any 20-year-old would do: build a castle! The box was about 1.5 feet wide, 6 feet long and 4 feet tall…PERFECT! The box was just the right size that I could lay in it and be outstretched, but not move around. It was great! I cut out a draw bridge, turret windows, and all the bells and whistles. I slept in this castle for one month straight. I’d open the draw bridge, crawl in and get situated, then sleep like a king.

Marble Falls, TX
This situation has happened before, but this night stands out. A crowded hotel room with no real room to sleep and I find myself on the floor, wedged under a chair. I don’t recall what I used for a pillow, but it was not comfortable. I had arrived on the trip with no sleeping bag and had just been borrowing extra blankets the whole time. Well tonight my luck ran out. I could find any blankets, so I looked for the next best thing: towels. No towels left…Poop! So, I grabbed a used towel that was still wet and crawled back under my chair. I was situated underneath the A/C unit and it was on full blast. With the simple addition of A/C to a wet towel, I was freezing in no time! I finally got sick of it and turned off the A/C. FINALLY! I didn’t really sleep, but in the morning, everyone was freaking out about how hot it got in the room last night and the A/C wasn’t working right. People started complaining about sweating to death and such. I didn’t raise my hand to answer the question.

Waka Flocka Party Time
I headed to East Shore Skatepark one night and upon arriving got hurt and was instantly bummed. I didn’t want to go home, so I pulled out my sleeping bag and went up on the deck. I used my pair of shoes as a pillow and drifted off into a light sleep. This isn’t that weird, but what is weird is that Waka Flocka Flame was playing 4 feet from me, via the sound system, at a deafening level. It was insane! When I woke up, everyone was baffled and amazed. When you want to sleep… you want to sleep.

Long Island Fluff Sandwich
This isn’t that weird sleep-wise, but it is amusing. We went to a skatepark in Long Island one night and camped out there. I slept on the flat bottom of the vert ramp and all was well. In the morning we were rushed and I had to grab all my stuff I had out which included some peanut butter and fluff materials. I just decided to throw it all in the sleeping bag and sort it out when we got on the road. This worked great, until I went to get in the sleeping bag that night! I opened it to a world of white. The fluff had opened up and coated the entire inside of the bag. I threw the sleeping bag away and just chuckled about it.

Raccoon Rampage
The first Gypsy Caravan had the most intense nights. I have stories for days about where we slept but this one is about a raccoon. We were at a campsite and I was sleeping in the bed of the pull-behind trailer. Just a normal trailer, nothing special. We had cooked some food and to keep it safe, we put the leftovers in the grill that I was conveniently sleeping underneath. During the middle of the night, I heard some rustling, so I open my eyes to see whats going on, when all of a sudden a raccoon falls next to my face. I’m talking, ONE FOOT AWAY! I yelled out super loud and he kinda ran into me trying to get away. He scurried off into the woods and I crawled into the back of the Penske and rethought my life.


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